Archive for the ‘Puppies’ Category

Back to Broadway

Monday, July 4th, 2011

Knitted street art

Since living by myself I had been feeling a little lonely, so I decided to venture back to Glebe for the day. I also needed to drop off one of my bags at the hostel that mom and I will be staying at, which was also in Glebe, so after a leisurely morning I took the train from Bondi Junction to Central Station, and then took a bus to the hostel where we had a reservation. Once I had put my bag into storage I was facing a full day with nothing else to do. I thought about taking in another movie, but there wasn’t much else I was interested in seeing, and at $15 a pop for a movie ticket I like to be sure I want to see something.

Since it was a warm 70 degree winter day and I had worked up quite a sweat hauling my suitcase around I decided to pop into the Broadway Shopping Center to grab a fruit smoothie to cool down. I hadn’t been in the Broadway center in a few weeks, and even when I had been in there most of the time I had by passed almost everything in there to get to the grocery store. So this time around, with smoothie in hand I took my sweet time. I had remembered Kaela saying that there was a pet store somewhere in the mall, and where there are pet stores there are usually puppies so I set our with that vague goal in mind.

I meandered around three floors before finding the pet store in the corner of the third floor. I did indeed find puppies, and I was not disappointed by their cuteness. With a smoothie in hand and puppies in view, my mood lifted significantly.

puppies- instant mood lifter

Cuteness is spilling out everywhere

Furry little balls of adorable

Shameless marketing ploy, I used this network while I was in the mall, and it wasn't all that. Just goes to show you that things in thongs tend to be worthless.

After a little more wandering I found myself in a book store, one of my favorite places in any mall. This one was particularly large, and as I browsed I found no shortage of things I wanted to read and own.

Anyone who is around to be looking at this book clearly survived 2009 just fine, which might be why its been marked down to $2.

I browsed through the humor and travel sections, my two favorites, and ended up leafing through this little gem:

I learned that 98% of white people are thoroughly predictable

Some memorable exerts from Christian Lander on what white people like:

TRAVEL

“White person travel can be broken into two categories- First World and Third World. First World is Europe and Japan, and man, this travel is not only beloved but absolutely essential in the development of a white person. Every white person takes at least one trip to Europe between the ages of 19 and 29. During this time they are likely to wear a backpack, stay at a hostel, meet someone from Ireland/Sweeden/Italy with whom they have a memorable experience, get drunk, see some old churches, and ride a train. What’s amazing is that all white people have pretty much the same experience, but all of them believe theirs to be the first of its kind, so much so that they return to North America with ideas of writing novels and screenplays about it. Upon returning home, they will also find an affinity for a particular beer or liquor from a country they visited. They use this as an excuse to mention their travels when at a bar. “Oh, I’ll have a Czechznlishiyush Pisner. You see, that was my favorite beer when I was traveling through Slovenia and the Czech Republic.” The second type of white person travel is Third World. This is when they venture to THailand, Africa, or South America. Some do it so that they can one-up the white people who only go to Europe. As with Europe, white people like to believe that they are the first white people to make this trip. As such, they should be recognized as special and important individuals. That’s right, by going to a country, riding around on a bus or train, staying at a hotel or hostel, and eating, they are doing something important for the world. If you are someone who lives in a country that white people liked to visit, there are some things you can do for personal gain, the best of which is to make them feel fantastic by saying how you’ve never seen a white person before, and that you are amazed by their ipod- “a device that plays that many songs? Impossible!” They might give it to you, then you can sell it for profit. Repeat as necessary.”

STUDY ABROAD

“In addition to accumulating sexual partners, binge drinking, drug use, and learning, white people consider studying abroad to be one of the most important parts of a well-rounded college education. Study abroad allows people to leave their current educational institution and spend a semester or a year in Europe or Australia. Though study abroad is offered to other places, these are the overwhelming favorites. By attending school in another country, white people are technically living in another country. This is important, as it gives them the opportunity to inert that fact into any sentence they please. “When I used to live in {insert country}, I would always ride the train to school. The people I’d see were inspiring.” If you need to make up your own study-abroad experience they all pretty much work the same way. You arrived in Australia not knowing anybody, you went out ot the bar the first night and made a lot of friends, you had a short relationship with someone from a foriegn country, you didn’t learn anything, and you acquired a taste for something (local food, beer, fruit). This latter point is important because you will need to be able to tell everyone how it is regrettably unavailable back home. It is also important that you understand the study abroad ranking system. Europe/Australia form the base level, then Asia, then South America, and finally the trump card, studying abroad in Tibet. Then there is the conversation killer of studying abroad- Africa. If you studied in Africa, it is usually a good idea to keep it quiet: it will remind white people that they were too scared to go and they will feel bad. Use this only in emergencies.”

HIGH SCHOOL ENGLISH TEACHERS

“Though white parents do a good job of introducing their children to culture, literature, and creative writing, they can only take them so far before the inevitable rebellion sets in at 12 or 13. At this point, the parents must hand off their child to a high school English teacher, who is responsible for educating the child in literature, art, creative writing, and New York City. Many white people will have up to four different high school English teachers during high school, so how do they choose the “one”? While you would think that this is a complicated procedure requiring the forging of a deep bond, ungraded poetry, and the lending of extracurricular books, it really isn’t so complicated. The way that a white person identifies the “chosen one” is dependent entirely on who guides them through The Catcher and the Rye. Simple as that. The high school English teacher is instrumental in leading white people toward arts degrees and eventually careers in law, nonprofit, and media, or as high school English teachers. The latter course represents the “white circle of life.” The importance of high school English teachers goes far beyond everyday life. They have inspired such classic films as Freedom Writers, Dangerous Minds, and Dead Poets Society. In fact, white people are so convinced that teaching high school English can make a difference that the U.S. government has created “Teach for America” to accommodate the overwhelming demand from white people to teach underprivileged children about the importance of Faulkner. But how is this information of any use in day-to-day dealing with white people? Its value is twofold. First, white people who are unhappy with their jobs will often say they wish to go to graduate school or to teach high school English. So whenever a white person is complaining to you about their job, giving them the advice to become a high school English teacher is always welcomed and appreciated.”

The whole section on study abroad I found to be shockingly accurate, and even though my favorite english teacher is the one that got me through Catcher in the Rye, that isn’t why I like her. In fact, I never thougt Catcher in the Rye was all that great. I thought Holden Caulfield was just depressed and whiny. Before I knew it two hours had passed, and it was getting dark. Thats what happens when I go into book stores, hours of my life just disappear. To finish out my day I purchased an apple strudel scone at the bakery on the corner to munch on while on the train and headed back to Bondi for my last night in my swanky high rise.